Precipice

I find myself on the precipice of something vast and great, much more than I have known before, and I am terrified. This is by design. I am meant to know something is coming, but never what. Exposure therapy by my life, the universe, spirit team, my soul, whatever terms you love most - calling me to trust the process as I paint my own life, layer by layer, my brush guided in unknown strokes, building something wonderful and beautiful. But I'm not allowed to know until the time is right to step back from the canvas and see it, clearly, in all of it's textured and vibrant glory.

I am pulled in many directions, thousands of brush strokes here and there, lessons and skills to learn, people to meet, places to be to understand. How could I know the people I would meet at a Defend Roe protest, dance parties, my first job out of college, weddings in other countries, the new comic book shop and gaming store in town, and Ren Faire? You don't. It's illogical, the dance and sway of it all, an arabesque whose movement is entrancing, but here I am, nervous as fuck and my feet are killing me, but the dance is not done.

Not yet. Not for a long time, I suspect. Of course, I don't know, not logically, but I know.

I have a long time ahead of me. I have things to do. I have people to meet. I have things to say. I have places to be. I have shit to unmask and heal in myself and others in many ways.

Perhaps the atheists are right, I am putting meaning onto things that require none, and this is the last ditch effort by a faith addled brain to cling to something, anything that it can. Though, if I'm honest, we all need meaning, in some way. We just need to divorce the meaning from authority, control, imprisonment, trauma, and pain. We need community, but not built off of shared hatred and wicked goals to harm, but off of love and healing.

Maybe there is nothing, and I am taking on these aspects, these archetypes within myself. Maybe that's all it is, spicy psychology, yet I do not care. The how is meaningless to me. I am an alchemist, seeking the hidden knowledge, the Philosopher's Stone, the Great Elixir, however I can, respectfully, and without harm. I am a witch, looking to the ways of those before me, and setting the ways for those to come. I am a scientist, testing my hypotheses and theorems to see what works and what does not.

You'd be surprised at what works when you start learning magick. Conversations with hidden things, the commanding of elements, the surging and guiding of energy, the revealing of hidden motives and lies in others...illogical, and yet...like emotion, reasonable, understandable, if you have the right perspective. Maybe these energies are archetypes that shift your mind into the correct pathways, or maybe they truly exist in realms and dimensions unknown.

I don't know.

I don't think I'm meant to know. Maybe not yet.

Like my future, like the precipice of my life, magick is the same. So within. So without. An unknowable abyss, slowly explored, over time.

I find myself on the precipice of something vast and great within me, ahead of me, without me, behind me. I don't know where I am going. May Hekate guide me in this dark and liminal crossroads. I don't know where life will move me next...but, like the expanse of magick, maybe I can take to the expanse of my possibilities with the same adventurous and uncertain spirit.

Love y'all. 💕